so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
