She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i've created a new STD.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
