she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Randomize
