There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
