I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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