Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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