Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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