he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
two words...techno handjob
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
