do herpes really smell.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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