fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
