did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
