she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
