I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
