How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
