This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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