Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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