you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
