someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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