I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Congratulations! We have a period
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