Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think people are normalizing furries
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
