and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
