Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
