I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
