You're my little dorito
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
