you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
