Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
