wanna go halves on a baby?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
