I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
