So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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