Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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