Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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