it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
