When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize