I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i've created a new STD.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
