This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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