I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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