my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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