hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
