You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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