so explain again why im purple
no
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
