Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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