I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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