Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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