ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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