I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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