apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
