I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
