I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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