I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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