I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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