He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
