you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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