then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
