There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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