i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
