I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
