i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
