i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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