Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
barbara walters just said penis...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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