Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
