i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
