By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
