Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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