I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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