Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
