listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
